Suspect Had To Be Tasered During Arrest Because He Wouldn’t Stop Having Sex With Car Exhaust Pipe

A Kansas man was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior after he was caught attempting to have sex with a car exhaust pipe. Ryan Malek of Newton is accused of exposing himself with the intent of arousing or gratifying his “sexual desires,” according to an arrest affidavit posted by The Smoking Gun. It really does take all kinds!

1. POLICE FOUND HIM WHEN RESPONDING TO A 911 CALL. Given that Malek was going at it with the car in a public space, it was only a matter of time before someone reported him. When police responded to the 911 call, they found the “visibly intoxicated” Malek outside an apartment complex going at it with a vehicle’s tailpipe… or at least attempting to.

2. HE DIDN’T STOP EVEN WHEN OFFICERS ARRIVED. Despite the fact that police were there to put a stop to things, Malek wasn’t deterred and continued to try and penetrate the exhaust pipe in full view.

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4. SADLY, THE ONLY WAY TO STOP HIM WAS TO TASER HIM. It was clear that Malek wasn’t going to stop trying to get it on with the car, so police had no choice but to taser him so that he could be subdued and arrested. However, before they took him down to the station, they took him to a local hospital for treatment first.

5. SIX DIFFERENT PEOPLE SAW THIS HAPPENING. According to the police report, it wasn’t just one person who was concerned about seeing Malek’s behavior – six separate people confirmed that they witnessed Malek trying to insert his penis into the car’s exhaust pipe.

6. NEEDLESS TO SAY, MALEK WAS PRETTY HAMMERED AT THE TIME. The 23-year-old’s blood alcohol content was said to have been four times the legal limit. This also wasn’t his first arrest – he had a previous record for aggravated assault and marijuana possession.