A mom writes in asking for advice about her relationship with her husband. She says that she no longer feels a romantic connection with her husband; instead, she only sees him as a friend. He’s a good man and a good father, she says, but the romantic spark is gone. They are currently living separately so that she can spend some time exploring her feelings, and they are already in therapy together. She feels torn between her head and her heart. Any advice for her?
A member of the community asks:
“My feelings towards my husband have changed: Advice?
My husband and I have been together for 9 years. We have two children, aged 3 and 1. The past few months, I feel like my feelings towards him have changed in the sense that I only see him as a friend. This also happened before we had our 2nd bub. We are rarely intimate, never kiss hello, hold hands, etc. I feel it’s more a friendship now that a romantic relationship.
We are currently taking some time apart with him staying around the corner with a friend while I work through how I really feel. We are seeing a psychologist, and I am committed to trying everything before throwing it in. I’m so confused as he’s a fantastic dad and is a great guy. I feel I’m torn between my head and heart. Has anyone been in a similar circumstance and had their feelings return?”
Community Advice for This Mom Who No Longer Feels Romantic Towards Her Husband
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“My Mom and Dad want through this lots of times and I’ve felt that way towards my husband for months on end before. I think it’s just one of the phases of being married for a long time. Try going on dates again that usually helps for me. When my husband feels this way we cuddle more and that helps him. Remember skin to skin contact makes your body produce oxytocin, the love hormone, so hold hands and hug as much as possible if you want it to work out.”
“Get him back into your home ASAP. He’s not meant to be away from home and his children. It will only help to create further distance between you two.”
“I have been married for 35 years and there are going to be many times you feel like this, and he feels like this. You just have to hope it isn’t at the same time. I definitely don’t think living separately is the answer, but obviously some do. If you fell in love with him once you can again. Marriage is the hardest thing you will ever do. Good luck; I hope you decide to fight for your marriage and family if he is a good man.”
“This is normal, I learned love is a CHOICE not a FEELING, because feelings change constantly don’t give in to them. You choose to love him even when you don’t feel it. A lot of times it could be you’re not feeling close to him, maybe not enough intimacy. If you’re not sexually intimate often that could be why you’re feeling he’s only a friend. Pray that God gives you a fresh love for him. Watch the movie Fireproof and War room, it helped me a lot! Message me if you need to talk. I will keep you and your marriage in my prayers!!!”
“Every relationship will have its ups and downs. Especially with kids involved. It’s easy to grow apart and not even realize it. But if he’s a good dad, good husband, and good partner then it can still be fixed. You both just have to try. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows. It’s work and not always feeling like things are magical like they once were. People change. It’s just a matter of growing together.”
“Very common after kids come into picture. Try regular date nights once a month. Try to get that spark back. Take time for yourselves.”
“Sounds like this is the part of marriage where you have to work on it. Sometimes you have to put forth efforts like a date night or something. Hope it works well whichever direction you guys go.”
“This is the worse of for better or worse. If he has been a good husband to you and a good father to your children, you owe it to yourself and to him to make it work. Couple’s therapy might be good for you. Maybe if its possible you guys can have a romantic getaway for a weekend to get a chance to reconnect. Marriage is hard but if you have something great, it’s worth fighting for.”